Going 6 now!!!

OMG, I am so busy can!

Never mind, the worse thing happened last night!

I ACTUALLY FORGOT ABOUT MY ANNIVERSARY WITH BF!!!!

Can somebody say siaooooWTFFFFcrazeeeee!!!???

I mean, I am the girl, I am supposed to remember all this nitty gritty details - first kiss, first time hold hands, first time we went out etc until the BF also fan why so many things to celebrate wan! But NO, I forgot even the most major event of all, the anniversary of us getting together!!! Crazeeeee....!!!!

2008 - When he was still a AhBeng, and I was still urmmm... dark-haired haha

I have a reason though - I am having a really tough time at work lately, because I may not have pay for next year!!!! Of which I am mighty worried about, because once I have a consistent pay monthly, how is it to suddenly have NO PAY at all!?

Other Research Assistants (RAs) in other faculties said that I should be thankful because my boss doesn't believe in not paying a monthly salary for his RAs, but I feel so jeopardized and vulnerable now that my monthly income is on the line with not much savings in the bank :-(

These things probably took so much time/effort/toll on my mind; I am having a major breakout on my face now and I feel very, very restless and fidgety nowadays.

Anyways, back to my anniversary! I hope my story above didn't "somber-ize" the mood! 'Coz it's a happy day today!

:-DDDDDDD

Valentine's 2009 - Thank God he got over the AhBeng phase lol

We're 6th!!! Yeah! By this time, if we were to have a child when we first together, he/she would be in a kindergarten already! Hahahaha...

We are at a better level of understanding! Like how he knows better not to say anything if Chelsea lost (grrr.. last week); or how I don't expect to have any surprise/presents during my birthdays/annis/V-days because that's just the way he is.

I think one thing he truly is grateful for is because I am also a fan of football (that's soccer for you, Americans!) so even when his mates aren't going to be there, I can! And also at least, I can have an interactive football discussion with the boys and him. I might be a little slow in catching things about football (I think its a gender thing) but hey, I think I am quite good already for my gender!

When I was an undergrad in UM/2007 - chatting online while he watches streamed MU matches -_-'''

We had a lot, a lot of setbacks! Don't ever think we went through everything easily or without problems. I know we successfully went through everything because of his persistence and perseverance (mainly) and my affinity to perfection. But definitely not unscathed. We are still trying to make everything work.

I don't know if people are envious of us because of the years we've been together, or of how we are able to blend into each other's life quite well despite the differences. I am quite proud that we can appear as separate individuals when we are together; you know how some couples are inseparable and one must be with the other one, and if one disappears somewhere, the other one is like invisible and remains so quiet, you'd think she/he's not there?

We are not that.

Kota Kinabalu- recent :-)

We have both grown individually so much from the first time we were together. From the time I was in Form 6 and he in Foundation; both of us in undergraduate studies and now, him working and me pursuing my Masters soon.

I can safely say I am a different person than the one that was together with him 6 years ago; but I am glad that we are able to set out our ever-changing personalities, lifestyles and commitments to fit one that we truly want to share - which is committing to each other.

Kuching - recent :-)

I am glad to say after 6 years, we are still fiercely fighting over some things(it's a good thing, believe me) but to a much more lesser frequency.

After 6 years, you would probably think we can finish each other sentences already, but truth is, we are still trying to understand one another and what's important is that both of us still want to try to understand each other.

6 years and you'd think all we really care to talk about now are kids, marriages, mortgages, joint accounts etc but truth is, we still feel (and talk like) we're in Form 4 or so, and that sort of made me feel like time never changes us at all.

It felt kind of surreal that it has been 6 years :-D

Happy anniversary, The BF :-) I love you tons!

Le premier Amour...

I saw an old friend at work/uni the other day.

I was swamped with work so I thought I'd just ask her for lunch at a nearby restaurant instead of walking back home for lunch and get back earlier to work (because I tend to nap and watch TV while at home during lunch = more time used).

Turns out, we utilized the whole 2 hours of lunch time talking about love. Our first love, actually *shy*

It started with her receiving a message - she saw the message - and a blissful/awkward/shy smile (don't really know how to describe the smile, do you know?) across her face - my teasing her - until she confesses it was her high school crush.

From realscience.org.uk

I was partially stunned because this is a girl who has been with her boyfriend for 7-8 years now, and to see her smile like that, like she's still smitten with her crush totally throws me off my chair! She was embarrassed that I caught her in the moment, but after that she explained the feelings are time capsules; they don't really evaporate as time goes by, they still remained.

I asked whether she felt like she's cheating on her boyfriend, what more with the private messaging that I witnessed - and she totally threw me into the sack by asking, "What? You never messaged your first love anymore?" - knowing further well that I am still on a good rapport with guys that I have been romantically linked before.

Haha.

Truth is, I was so busy playing moral judge that I kept forgetting to look myself in the mirror. I am the one who are still friends with all my exes, crushes and past cases; to the extent sometimes running favours for them, chatting on MSN/Facebook frequently with them and sometimes, meeting up for catching up purposes.

I am quite glad that my BF has never doubted me; he'd probably wasn't quite comfortable with the arrangement but he knows that's how I am, and I really hate losing in touch of people who meant so much to me, whether history or present. There's nothing much he can do but support me in my ways.

If the situation were overturned, I'd probably be derailed with anger and demanded 24/7 attention from him if I were to permit such a meet-up of him and someone of his past love history (the benefit of being his first GF lol!!!).

Back to lunch time, I learned that:

1. No matter how long time has passed, your first love stays with you. Most of the time, no logical reasons are known of why the person is the first love, it just is.

2. No matter how long time has passed, he can still be the guy that take breaths away. Doesn't matter if he went to jail, or went on affairs and cheated on uncountable women. The first love is embodied forever in mind as the innocent, lovable and gushingly beautiful man we knew him.

3. Probably no other man can emulate the rush of adrenaline, the fear of what's going to happen next, the anticipation, the anxiety of a first love.

4. Feelings are time capsules and more often than not, a certain initiator can take you back into the very feelings that you felt at a certain time. Initiator being similar environment, songs, him, anything. And being in love with a first love quadruples your senses (or lack thereof) thus anything is remembered more profoundly.

If you have been someone's first love, I'd say, what an honor that is.

Blank

You know how when you got tons of work coming in, but all you seem to be doing is procrastinating?

That's what I am doing now.

For the sake of updating..

Like I've said before, it is an absolute pet peeve of mine to see my blog goes empty without any updates. I reckoned I can only stand for a week without updating. Not because I am obsessed with blogging, but more like I have put it as a part of my obligation to write something, at least on a weekly basis.

Life, has been urmm.. rather bullet-train. Haha. I would never have thought Christmas is around the corner and that I think that the whole year had practically zoomed past me! Would I be thankful for 2009? I doubt so, seeing how much I have grown throughout this year - but the severe pitfalls and emotional distress pretty much made me want to forget this year.

In the end, what really matters is how happy I am.

It's really kind of funny. *shrugs*

******************

So, the other day I was overexcited over the upcoming weddings of people around me that I started to browse at wedding photography, gowns etc. I fell in love immediately with two dresses I saw online - Oscar de la Renta's and Vera Wang's. And before any judging occur, I do not look at designers - it is just so happened I saw the dresses and my heart fell, and saw the caption: by Oscar de la Renta and Vera Wang.

So, really - it was just a mere coincidence lol.




Knowing that I can never afford this dresses in the near future and listening to Frankie on how hard it is for his sister to find the perfect dress, I told Lisa on the Net that maybe I should start looking now despite my walking down the aisle be 3-4 years from now? I mean, its never too early to plan a wedding, ain't it? lol

* panic attacks by BF*

*********************

The pace at lab is pretty much quick nowadays. I hardly catch my breath in the office anymore, and even when I do have free time (like now), my break is often interrupted by phone calls, fax copies, discussions etc so it's safe to say my break is now an on-off 15 minutes that I have in betweens.

The other day, I saw my UM junior walking into my building and I was stunned for a minute, thinking that somehow I was brought back to my undergraduate era. We talked for a while in the lift. After stepping out, I felt it was kind of weird that I was in research, wearing jeans, T-shirts, sweater with my hair pulled back without an ounce of make-up. And her, with her stylish office wear, her hair in a slick 'do and dyed brownish blonde with her colored contacts and now a Product Specialist.

In uni, other people probably saw us in reversed roles.

Just showed me how much people can change and fate changes course all the time.

Right now, I think the most important thing is for me to enjoy myself. I mean, I'll never be 24, 5 months and 2o days in my comfy jeans and checkered shirt, typing away on my old Acer laptop again - so I think the best thing for me to do right now, is just sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

:-)

Have a great long weekend, peeps!

If it's up to me..

I'd stuff myself in a asylum.

With pink walls, studded strait-jacket and Vogue/Marie Claire/Seventeen magazines to last me a lifetime.

Experience on the Field

And so I thought I better start updating my blog, less my blog die its slow and boring death.

Many may not know this, but I actually went for my first field? outstation? trip (work-related) to collect samples! Yeahaa!

Funny though because two weeks before, I was in KK for holidays with friends, and now I am to travel to KK and Sandakan to collect samples.

This is my documentation of my work trip!


Unlike the previous time when I flew at night thus missing all the beautiful scenes in the plane, I flew on a MAS flight this time, fully bore by my grant and get to look beautiful scenes like this!

I never can avoid sitting at the seat where the wings are though. Unlucky much because I reckoned I am prollie the only one who was so much enthused to take pictures sigh. (give me better window seats, airlines!)

Me and my boss stayed at The Promenade Hotel downtown KK. The rooms are really comfy and upon checking in my room, I found out that my room was on the smoking floor. I didn't bother to change rooms but my boss did. I waited for him at the lobby for around 15 minutes for our dinner together, and only then I knew that he had requested to be changed to a non-smoking floor.

The room was paid by my grant, I likey! The rate was around RM16o for my room, if I remember correctly.

The view from my room was pretty sucky. It was supposed to overlook the waterfront which was still under renovation. But otherwise, I wouldn't complain because I hardly need the good view anyways, although that would be a plus.


I had nothing to do at night! I prollie called my labmate and BF hundreds of time at night! The room had no free Wi-Fi (RM20 for 3 hrs, RM30 for full day!) and TV's showing nothing I wanted to watch so I decided to utilize the bath tub and have a good soak-in!

One thing I really hate about travelling alone is the loneliness! I mean, I know I was there with my boss, but I really hated not having somebody close to do anything with. I slept with the TV the whole night, because I knew any small sound would wake me up. In the end, I had a rather restless sleep because I woke up every 2 hours or so.

I had to wake up at 6am to catch our flight at 8am to Sandakan!


This people, is Mount KK! It was really quite glorious watching it on the plane! Plane rides in Sabah are so pretty!


I thought my boss would allow me to chance to check in into my resort once we arrived in Sandakan, but noo... we went straight to the site to work! Here are all my luggages thrown inside the "pharmacy" and off we went to work!

I had a small ample of time to take this pic in between lunch hour. But in actual fact, we were working all around the clock and barely had time to breathe. I was really sad because I didn't had time to visit the orangutans at all. I just stayed most of time at the pharmacy and the area surrounding it.

That's me in the office while everybody was still on lunch break. I had personal time on my own so I took pictures. But in actual fact, I didn't have any time to take out my camera at all!

I tried taking a picture while the vet was taking blood samples for me, but I got scolded! huhu, apparently no pictures can be taken so there you go, less one entertainment pic for you! From then on, I hardly take my camera out just in case there were any more restrictions and I got scolded blindly again.

After spending 2 days in Sandakan to collect sample, its time to go back to Kuching! I was mighty happy on the very day because my boss told me I could go back earlier to Kuching on an earlier flight than the one we booked which was at 7.45pm. He had a meeting and he didn't think I need to come so he said I can sit on the next flight out!

I was mighty happy that I might be in time to have dinner with BF upon arrival in Kuching, so can you imagine my dissapointment when they told me there are no afternoon flights back to Kuching!!!!! Booooooo.....
I decided to head back to 1Borneo while waiting for my Kuching flight (7 hours!!). Above are the items that cause major dent in my purse (RM107 wtf!!!), luckily there are no SaSa outlets in Kuching. The salesperson didn't need to do much to convince me to buy these items, I just basically said okay to every item she promoted!

The item that I wanted the most was theBalm's Stainiac tint. It was out of stock so I asked whether they had trial packs, and they do, but only if you buy something from theBalm's range. I actually bought something just to get the trial pack wtf. When they say retail therapy, is this what they mean?

Because I know I was damn depressed I couldn't get an earlier flight, I basically spend without thinking.

I don't have any more pictures!!! Shows you how depressing this trip is to me, because of the loneliness at night plus not getting an earlier flight..

But otherwise, quite an eye opener because I learned quite some bit about my project :-)

How to Measure Success

I was reading the Nuffnang's boss blog one day and I read a comment that suddenly just made literally stopped in whatever I was doing and ponder. As Oprah would have said, it was my "A-ha" moment.

The comment said something along the line that the level of success should be measured by how happy it makes you.

Honestly, I have never thought of it that way.

I thought deep and concluded that my version of success is how much other people would envy me and wished they were in my shoes.

It totally took a small part of my mind away.

To measure success by how happy I feel by the end of it. Is is even doable? Possible? To change my mindset that I had for the whole of my life - to just think of success by how happy it makes me in the end? What if it didn't grant me any certs? Or cash? Or any envious looks from other people?

I mean, if I can do that - how much that will really change my perception on life. Or the way how I approach life.

I will probably never call my pay measly anymore. Or feel a sense of hatred whenever I am forced to stay back at the lab because of a last minute instruction. Or feel like I am underpaid.

SO MUCH will change and how that small statement that I read somewhat just blew and struck me in the head about how life should really be looked at instead of materialistic and accomplishments wise.

.......
.......

They say, the older the wiser. Probably the understatement of my life right now.